5 things I’d tell my 18-year old self!
Find joy in learning and enjoy every bit of it.
Right after I finished grade 10, I got my first decent-paying job when I was 16. It was a school nearby, where my favorite teacher in school used to teach. The job wasn’t that difficult and satisfying, but the money was pretty good for a 16-year-old, especially during the term break when I could work more and the teachers were pretty impressed with my multi-tasking skills.
I can’t remember exactly how much I made, but it was something like Nepalese Rupees 2500 a month, which was not even $ 30 when I worked six days a week. Living with my parents, I had no expenses, so that was money I could spend or save. And like most people that age, I obviously did the former. I didn’t know any better but over the years, I definitely learned many things, some with my own experience, some from my mother and some observing people.
Clinical Psychologist, Dr. Meg Jay made many good points in her book; there’s no doubt that our former years play a crucial role in laying the foundation for the rest of our lives. The “YOLO” stage is a big myth and it’s definitely “the defining decade” in years to come. I love who I am but, admittedly, I wasted a lot of my time doing things that didn’t benefit me. Here, I recognize a few things that I could’ve done differently and tell myself:
1. There is no need to prove anything to anyone:
Yes, we want everything when we are young, healthy, and beautiful, but few succeed. And we should accept that. There is nothing wrong with achieving things by the age you are 35 or even 45. Too many young people are pressured to get their life together as soon as possible instead of just enjoying it. Bother little about what others think and carry on with your own damn thing. Think twice before you spend your money because every time you buy something, you’re giving up a bit of freedom and time. The more money you have, the more freedom you have to do work you enjoy. And at some point, you don’t even have to work for money at all. But not if you keep spending all your money today.
2. Find joy in Learning:
All of my siblings were very lucky that our parents financially supported us with our education. But, I often thought of studying as a duty instead of a privilege. I didn’t learn to understand, it was just to pass an exam. Instead I should have worked to gain and get value, not to pass the time. Often I feel I should have approached studying and working with gratitude, not as an obligation. It’s easy to take what you have for granted and lose sight of what matters. If you’re an 18 year old, internalize this: your education always comes before boys! In fact, if I could meet my younger self, I’d tell her to focus on building her security (education, money, network, mental health, etc.) and not bother with boys. I would say don’t date, until you are in mid 20s.
3. Think, think before you lend money to someone:
I learned this lesson the hard way. I would lend my friends money, and they would stop being my friends. One of my best friends from high school was in trouble, and I lend her some money. After a couple of weeks, she just disappeared. I tried reaching out to her a few times, and she told everyone we know I was extorting money from her and trying to belittle her. Another friend of mine begged me to give her money for her sister’s big day but ended up going on holiday and later sent her boyfriend to threaten me so that I won’t be asking for the money back. My sister who was wiser than me would often tell me not to lend but I often became an emotional fool and felt trapped and ruined many friendships. It’s simply not worth it. You end up an enemy to the ones you wanted to help.
4. Build relationships with people who have a healthy lifestyle:
When I was in my late teens, I’d often feel I am fat. I regrettably prioritized other people who looked beautiful, looked cool and partied hard. Instead I should have built relationships with people who have a wholesome lifestyle that doesn’t involve partying and drinking all the time. Yes, they exist and they’re fun! Save money from buying alcohol and going on dates and use it on a gym membership and skincare products instead. Don’t worry — you’re not missing out on some greasy party!
5. Be generous :
Don’t hold on to all your money like a dog with a bone. If you share some of your wealth with others without expecting anything in return, you’ll do good. “Karma is the best answer” , my mother would always say! Money is not the key to your future security, but your network is, and the sooner you begin to prioritize people the better. Don’t just spend money on things to impress people. When I was younger, I thought that owning an expensive watch or would get me accepted into the circles I wanted to be a part of. Little did I know that spending hundreds of dollars on things I didn’t need wouldn’t get me what I wanted. I would still be a loser with an expensive watch. Don’t judge me. I can’t understand what was wrong with me those days. I wish that I spent that money on something that would bring value to my life instead.
It is sad that when we are young, we think we are the smartest and discard any knowledge that is thrown our way, whereas we are at the time where we best absorb all the information we come across. It’s never too late to adopt them and start building yourself and other women up. After all, I believe that it’s not so much about living a perfect life but the point is to discover yourself and experience life as it is while growing as a person — that’s what’s fulfilling and meaningful. Lastly as an end note, you matter. You are important. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. Life is after all a series of choices.
