When my mother decided to become a monk!
It’s about adjusting to a new way of being in the world.
My mother
What makes good mothers? Now this is a pertinent question which cannot be contained with few words. The profession of motherhood is all about influence. Mothers have an incredible opportunity to influence the next generation by what they do as a mother every day. This is why I think intentionality is so important during the years that we raise our family. My mother comprised of a bundle of emotions that sometimes defy reason. Even now, when I’d say my toddler is not keeping well, she’d come out with ten home-remedies to cure the illness or she’d run over to me the next morning with all the necessities.
My mom has a great sense of humor and a knack for telling a story on each and everything. She’d been an avid follower of Buddha’s teachings more than half of her life and could relate to each and everything with His principles of no killing, no lying, no alcohol, no stealing, altogether the path of righteousness. “ She always focused on ‘What Goes Around Comes Around’. Every action has a reaction, good or bad. This is a simple theory, but yet so powerful. Everything you do today will catch up to you whether it’s tomorrow or years from now, never forget that you only benefit from the seeds you plant — good or bad — it is your choice to make.” She can endlessly go on topics like these.
And she became a monk
Almost two years back, I was living in Denver, Colorado with my family and my mother was living in Nepal, my home country, which is also the birthplace of Lord Buddha. We used to FaceTime almost every morning, which is evening in Nepal and she’d go through the same coaxing process of telling me why we have to live in the NOW. Why she’d like me to return to my home country, instead of settling down in America. That day she also mentioned her plans of visiting Burma, as her Guru Venerable Pragya Shri lived in Mogok city and said she will stay in his monastery for 5 long months. I sensed that as her usual yearly trips as common as a Buddhist Pilgrimage and her yearly retreat. In this time of social distancing, staying in isolation is nothing new to her as she has always maintained this in her meditational retreat, staying away from hustle and bustle, maintaining noble silence for months. It’s not that she is anti-social. She’s enjoyed the limited social engagements she had before the pandemic upended our lives. She’s avoided most of the social gatherings, parties unless it was absolutely important to attend.
Coming home from work one fine day, tired as I was but flipping through my Facebook pages, someone tagged my mom in a video. To my amazement, she was bald, clad in that pink robe which monks wore in Myanmar, gone was the wavy cap of black hair and thick eyebrows; her gleaming skull appeared and disappeared like stages of the moon between her fortnightly shavings. But she looked incredibly calm, postured and determined. At one hand I was proud of her taking such step but on the other hand I was also afraid if I was allowed to call her Mom (After the ordination, her new name was Sumana).
Looking at her pictures, she used to send us from Burma, and talking to her shifted my understanding of the depth and beauty of what she has chosen to do with her life. The context of being in a core Buddhist country and traveling by foot refined the awareness: the unbounded generosity toward her robes allowed me to see clearly that she represented a shared experience of virtue for laity and monastic alike, a gift to both. What I witnessed was never a give-and-take, but more like a give-and-give. All the great teachers, speak of monastic renunciation — the trainings to abandon evil, distraction, sensual pleasures, hindrances, and ignorance — as an offering. To watch how a light shone in people’s faces as they ran up to my mother with food, to see my mother in her new role softly chant a blessing on the side of a busy street, to feel time stop and witness those on both sides create something intimate shared and sacred, brought tears to my eyes many times.
Adjusting to a new way of being in this world.
Although for more than half of her life she’s been practicing Vipasanna in daily basis, we were always supportive of her decisions and whole-heartedly accepted what she wanted but deep down we had our worry. During her entire stay in Mogok, which is a 12 hours drive from Yangon, we hardly talked because of her monastic rules restricting entertainment, talk-time and strict restrictions on usage of gadgets. On top of that she’d prefer to turn her phone off or leave it to her room in the monastery. She’d say she doesn’t want technology to intrude on the solitude. But her room mate, who was so sweet used to share so many details about her. Whenever we get the chance to talk to my mother, she always has this unwavering earnestness when she asserts that she can’t imagine a more beautiful life than her present one. The arc of my relationship with my mother over the past two years have been cheery if somewhat naive support for her decision, tinged with keen moments of letting go and a tentative faith that we’d eventually all find our footing.
Our life goes on, its not necessary to become a monk to live a better life, but if having a perfect figure, buying more things, chasing more likes and loves on social media, and focusing only on yourself have not brought you peace, then maybe its time to rethink your way of being. Nothing is permanent and that’s life. All these years, she always focused us to try to look past the superficial pleasures in life. Some call her weak; others call her selfish. I could be mad or bitter. Instead, I’m grateful for the life I have and to have a mother who sacrificed so many things to give us a chance at a better life. She is courageous. She is my mother. Here she goes again with every conversation: “May the angels always protect you. By all the power of the Buddha may you always be well; by all the power of Dhamma may you always be well; by all the power of the Sangha may you always be well.” Sadhu Sadhu Sadhu.
#spirituality #Buddhism #mother #life lessons #inspiration
